Why the Wagars are what they are

Did I marry a movie star? No! But he looks pretty close and he's my HOT Man!

And i get to kiss this hot man EVErYDAY! =)

Christmas Day 2007

Family Shot

Again Nalia with her doll - Baby Alive=)-- Rubyyyyyy

This day was way Lax with one of the best turkeys that I ever had.

Christmas Eve

While still in vancouver.. This is Sammy with trav and Nalia-Trav can just act so "white" ha
Nalia thinks that she has her own baby alive--- Miss ROO ROO

Nalia singing the spider song.. "went up the water spout, down came the rain and washed the spider out"

Nalia and Ruby with NANA

We had such a great Christmas !Here are some pictures to share!

Christmas In Vancouver..Taking a Bath with COUSINS! FUN FUN!!

the look on her face shows howmuch fun she is having!!
i dont think they are used to seeing a Girl!!=) ha

Sammy And Isaiah-- Brotherly LOVE

They all 3 just love water so why not put them all together!

Us at our friends wedding..i was a bridesmaide, i wore COOL bright red shoes

My friend ashley got married on dec. 14... when her
pic are on the web site i will let you know. she made a BEAUTIFUL bride..

You can leave me a message now

Finally you can leave me a comment.. A nice guy set it up on my computer.... So even if i dont know you leave me your thoughts,,,, I like to hear what ya think,....

maybe that way i can have more link under my "friends section" --=)

Going back to step one--

We have some great friends who we met up with to talk about and think thru a pretty cool jouney travand i are about to start.. the jouney of new friendships...memories... Denny and Abby Bain have been a help for Starting a good journey to healing in our relationship-- With marriage comes alot of baggage from both sides and trav and i are realizing alot about ourselves and pulling things out by the core.. we are attacking the cause not jus treating the "fight". We need friends to draw close to at this time... This is not a time (anymore) to worry about our marriage but a time to REJOICE for we are beginning a healing process that will transform who i am and who trav is and who we are as a married couple. I want to respect that man with all that i am and from this point i will die to my self for christ so that i know how to be a better wife and mom.... Restoration has begun.. i can fully experience Gods Grace and Strength and Blessings.. Friendships....!
I thank abby and denny for speaking bold and being REAL...Man real people are hard to come by....


My new favorite artist

Her name is Stina Persson. She is a bit sensual but it a balanced way. It hits a spot in every married mommy-- =)

This is a X Rated posting

i am one of those people that wonder what things look like.... well if you are too here is a clot of tissue,,, if you are a male and grossed out just simply scroll down...... who knows this may have been a part of my baby and he is a part of me. just not a pretty picture...so bare with me..for those of you w/a weak tummy....(denny--=)...)i made it small so if you want to see it you gotta click on it...

So over this wonderful past weekend i thought that i was about to die. I started bleeding alot after my D&C and passing rather large clots... they said that they were maybe going to have to do another D&C...thanks god they didnt..they ended up giving me somthing called metherogine,i know that i totally mis-spelled that.... but they gave me a double dose to make my uterus contract to stop bleeding and if there was any left over tissue it would get it out... well alot more tissue came out,,,to Save you all the details it was MUCH worse pain than LABOR and i had my baby naturally... i thought i was dying and the CHINESE doctor that told me this was normal i told her this is not normal and that i am dying and if i dont actually die then i will go to the kitchen and slit my wrist cause i cant take the pain.....

After 2 visits to the emergency room and after all the pan meds they gave me im here.. ALIVE.. oh and at my doc appt on monday the Asian on call doc wanted me to come in cause she thought i was not stable sounding on the phone and thought i was suicidal.. Ha --- far from that....just though i saw the bright lights of heaven...

well im here and today is the first day that i can THINK!
ok so we now have internet at my house so I can keep my blog more up-dated---
ok so we now have internet at my house so I can keep my blog more up-dated---

Pretty girl

This is at my friends rehearsal dinner.
Nalia was in love with the BIG mirror in the other room

Christmas Tree--

Kinda a dark picture but with a flash looked worse

This will be me in a few short months--AGAIN

Yes its true- its not a molar pregnancy!! Praise God!

looking for the perfect tree

nalia took this pic of herself

just exploring

We went tree hunting and here are the pictures to show the fun!

It done! FINALLY!!!

So i had my D&C yesterday -- the surgery part went well but afterwards I never saw so much blood.... Well not since I had Nalia. The doc and nurse told me light bleeding and mild period like cramping.. Ha YEA RIGHT! I bled thru the HUGE DIAPER PAD and thru my undies and pants by the time that I got home and when I changed my pad bled thru that and onto my dads leather chair where it left a lighter mark in the leather where the ring of blood was... SICK i know!
The cramps were not cramps.. were more like contractions and i had my baby naturally so I can handle that kind of pain... WOW what a night......

The best news of all was that the doc didn't think that it was a Molar pregnancy and she cant confirm til the tests come back from the lab... also they could not save my sac with baby in it cause i started bleeding too bad during the D&C..BUMMER-- i wanted to see him.. oh well i will someday...

If this is not a molar pregnancy in a month or two i will be back in the game of pregnancy.. WOOOO HOOOOOOOO!
Man i lasted with this miscarriage til i wad 13 weeks and to start a whole new first trimester.--WOW !

Something REAL COOL!! Nalia went potty TWO TIMES today in a BIG GIRL POTTY! hoping we have this done by the time the 2nd baby comes! fingers crossed!

ALso my husband and I have grown so much tru this miscarriage... the kind of growing that you feel why did i marry this person and how are we going to get thru this... Im sure that "some" of you NEVER feel that way.. well i have and im sure will more times thru our marriage... just being honest... But thru this all i realize how much i love that man and how i could not get thru this with out him.. I just love HIM! But we have grown so so so so strong thru this and ITs A GOD THING-- I would never take any of this back-- these are the growing moments that define me and who i am as a wife mom and woman of God!

Thanks Linda (trav Mom) for our great chat.. we will talk more.. you give me a great out look on your son---

Thanks mom, Jess, and Abby for coming to see me and be there at my D&C --

-still praying about direction for nursing school Abby

_ my friend Jvon just moved back here from Denver to move in a month to Australia where she once lived for 2 years to go to Hill Song bible college.--I love her- she is a good friend!

The time is a comin---

Stilll cramping in my ovaries....not sure what to expect other than i have to be all the way put out- i had knee surgery and watched it,, so i have never been fully under. the doc told me that there is no way to fully numb the uterous so that is why it would be best to fully put me under... but i may still try. i want to see the little baby inside even if it is just tissue...then they can fully put me out...
I still have people telling my CONGRATS for being pregnant. that does not bother me and I dont hate it,,, dont get me wrong it remindes me that Im not pregnant... But at least i can show then Christ and tell them that i TRUST Gods plan even when it does not make sense... A testimony is in so much our conversation.. of all the times i miss Im glad that I can catch this one... Bitter Sweet....makes me sweetly broken but only to fall into my Fathers Arms... God is Good and I can still say Life is GOOD!

Date is set-- TUE Dec 11 1:30

So the doc today told me that I have cysts growing on my placenta and ovaries... I am not sure if i am spelling things right so bare with me now--

I am tired of all of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was so fed up that i had to wait til next week when i was told that my appt was on thur or fri-- i told the doc that i will personally remove the baby and tissue and personally hand it to her... that just shows how tired i am of all of this..........

Whelp--- off to my make- up party!


Molar WHAT!??????

So i had a appt with my doc to take about taking the dead baby out of my body since i waiting 4 weeks.... but before we do that we had to take a pregnancy test to confirm that Im not preg with another baby. This does not mean that i had twins that one died this means a fresh pregnancy different from the dead one....
As dr.rampton was putting the duck beaks in my down below the nurse walked in and said that the test came back POSITIVE!
Rampton said that my cervix is as shut as can be. He had me go in for another ultra sound and he took some blood to know my horomone levels... HCG levels....before i left he told me that i could either be pregnant for have a MOLAR pregnancy... WHAT THE HELL...is what i was thinking......
SOOOOOO......got ultra sound and no baby but my placenta is growing and that is a sign of molar pregnancy. its 11:11 on wed morning and called a second time know my level results and they are having problems with their system...AHHHHHH!!
The doctors that i have called cant get me in til fri or next week sometime..leave it to small twn doctors.. A NP told me to go to OHSU to get this taken care of..if left untreated can be VERY VERY VERY BAd.!
Great i have my makeup party tomorrow and dont want to cancel!
Also they told me i have to get a D&C..what the heck man.. . leaves no room for natural ..but they need to test the tissue of the baby and placenta.
My doc told me that he has been delivering babies for 30 years and have never had one of his patients w/ a Molar pregnancy! What?!

So now the question that everyone ASKS!!!!!!! what is a molar pregnancy!
well i know that if i have a molar pregnancy that mine is a partial one ,, not complete since i have a baby in my body...

Partial Mole
This most frequently occurs when two sperm fertilize the same egg. There may be partial placentas, membranes or even a fetus present in a partial mole. However, there are usually genetic problems with the baby. Rarely, a partial mole will exist with twin pregnancy, however, the other twin rarely survives.

Symptoms include:
Increased nausua and vomiting-- i have this one but no PUKING
Vaginal bleeding
Increased hCG levels
Rapidly growing uterus
Pregnancy induced hypertension prior to 24 weeks
No fetal movement or heart tone detected
Hyperthyroidism -- DAMN asain specialist who told me that i am ok to get pregnant even though i had a form of this! I really do like asains but not this one
Pulmonary Embolization


I am getting frustrated that my little baby wont come out. I still feel preg and my belly is still growing. I will be 12 weeks on monday...

Soon I Pray soon

Satan and his helpers!


Casey will laugh when he sees this,,

I was doing my internship to be a youth pastor and casey was a youth leader while finishing up college. We put on a play and I was Satan and everyone else were my helpers...Why is it that I Satan in one play and Mary for the whole church play.. I wanted to expand outside my comfort zone and BOY DID I! HA HA

Look how little Nalia Looks!

My little Nalia looks so small. About 4 months old she was on this pic.

Nalia Loves to feed herself!

Nalia oh Nalia!

Such a mess ..but what a cute mess....

Ashley and Kevin Engagemnet Party!

Ashley and Kevin will do great amazing things for the KINGDOM! I wanted to throw them a party to tell them how HAPPY i am that they are honoring God in all areas of PURITY,.. Not just not having sex I mean IT ALL!! and that is NOT common at all much these days....They are honoring God in their engagement and i know they will in their marriage. Wedding date is Dec. 14!!

Cant wait!!!

More thoughts....about miscarriage--im not sure if i use on or two "S" in that word.

SO since i heard that my little one is in heaven these are the things that have been very obvious to me:

* you really do find out who your true there for you kind of friends are, the ones that check on you to see how you are doing and who care to know how you are doing. Thanks those of you!-- You know who you are cause i tell you how thankful i am for you!

* Since the news my husband have drew closer but at the same time ALOT of crap is coming up in our marriage. I think that is the reason all this happened, TO get our attention about things that needed to me addressed. We will start going back to soo out guy who helps us learn to fight fair and communicate well when we disagree. We are both reading a book called "for men only, and " for women only....its hard to understand the opposite sex.... Hell sometimes its hard to understand myself and add the opposite sex to that can throw me for a loop.

* On wed. night I left for my 5th birth. She ended up having her baby Thur night at 9:56. She labored for a long long time! SHe did it natural and was ONE of the most intense labors i have ever been at! WOW GO JAMIE-- your amazing.

*My little Nalia is growing up so fast.

* at times i forget i will miscarry and think about how excited I am to have another baby.... WEIRD.

* On monday i will start 11 weeks. I have been having some cramping, but no blood...

* I am learning alot at this season in life and one of the biggest things i am learning is how lucky i am to have married such a Great man and daddy. He takes care of me in the ways that HE KNOWS HOW... its not always the ways i would want it but he is trying,,,, I learned how much a man Craves RESPECT in every area of life and every night trav would rather me say I respect you before we go to bed, or im proud of you rather that I love you... this is what i mean ...WEIRD! but if its what makes he happy then i will do whatever he wants... Love ya t.

*I am glad that thru this season in my life i have been able to connect with jess on a different level... God has his reasons for everything and this is one of them

* Happy birthday DENNY BAIN!



I am thankful for my little Nalia Rain!

Ultra-sound #2

So i had another ultra-sound just to confirm things and be a peace-- No heartbeat and no movement.Thanks to my parents and Jess and Casey for making the drive to be there for us!

Trav and I are at peace about this and just hope to be preg by jan/feb

Littles toes fingers and hands.....

So here is the size of my baby-- my baby is actually closer to week 9 so even more developed than this little one. I will plan on holding him and looking at his little fingers and toes. I know it may sound weird to do that but its just what trav and I want and need, This is our BABY! just out a few to many months early...............

Life inside the mind of a girl before she will miscarry.

I know that when my baby comes out that I will hold him, He will be very little and fit into just the palm of my hand.
Today I went to the doc and they said just to wait things out since i was this to happen naturally. If nothings happens by Fri. i will go in for another ultra sound just to confirm things and be at peace.
I have such a peace that ALL IS WELL.. im my spirit I have a peace.
I got a Rosemary plant to plant once the baby comes, I will forever be reminded of his smell when i smell the plant. I was at home-depot and I told the ladt i need to find a plant that wont die!!! She said she was not sure about that this time of year..... I said IT CANT DIE! My baby is going to die and that plant cant die TOO!! I started to cry.. which suprised me but was good for me to get emotion out!
Peoples prayers are what are carrying trav and i thru it..THANKS